After I left the power plant and went to work for Dell on August 20, 2001, I wrote letters back to my friends at the plant letting them know how things were going. This is the twenty fifth letter I wrote.
3/13/02 – Faster at Dell
Dear friends up north,
It was fun dropping by this week and seeing the ol’ power plant. It seems to make my job here just a little more enjoyable. It was good seeing all my old friends (and getting older all the time). You guys are always in my thoughts (as you can tell). I know that was a quick visit, and maybe the next time I will be able to stay a little bit longer.
I have gotten used to doing things quickly since I have been at Dell. Just this week I have finished writing the program for this quarter’s project. I’m testing it now. I’m about a month ahead of schedule. — But that’s good. They like to do things fast at Dell.
It just occurred to me the other day that Dell sells a computer somewhere in the world on the average of one computer every second (like the one they advertise on TV). 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That’s pretty fast. See, they just sold another one…and another, and another. — I’m going too slow. — Let’s see if I can keep up. — another. another. another. nuther, nuther, nthr, nthr, nthr, nthr nthr nthr….
There, if I type “Another” like that (nthr), I can just about type that word as fast as Dell is selling computers. Of course, I would have to do that all day and night forever, to keep track of all the computers they are selling. — Or, I can just look it up using one of the handy dandy programs we have.
There is a rumor that at the manufacturing plant in Ireland, they have hired Leprechauns to make the computers. That way, all they have to do is twitch their nose, or wink, or something like that, and “voila”, the computer is assembled. (see previous letters to find out that “voila” means “There it is” in French. — That way I don’t have to keep repeating myself — or get a French – English Dictionary).
That way you will find out that “voici” means “Here it is”, and “veni” means “we came”, as in “Veni, Vidi, Vici” — Which means, “We came, we saw, we conquered” — Sorry, my mind seems to wander while contemplating the meaning of the universe. Anyway, that leprechaun thing is a pretty good idea.
See. Here I am, all proud of myself for being done with my next program one month before I was scheduled to be done, and guess what. They have already given me two other projects to do at the same time. If I hadn’t finished with this one, I would have needed another computer at my desk, and I would have had to dream up some way to work on all three computers at the same time.
Luckily this scenario has been avoided. — I was already working on a program in my spare time that would write programs for me. I hadn’t gotten very far, because my spare time usually consists of going to the bathroom, and I didn’t think I should bring another laptop with me in there.
I already brought one, and if I was trying to work on two laptops at the same time AND contemplate the meaning of the universe (isn’t that what most people do while they are in the bathroom? — at least when their mind isn’t wandering), I might drop one at the most inopportune time, and create a mess of things. — So my program to write programs has been slow coming. — If only I could write a program that would write THAT program, I would be set.
Well, it’s time to go now. Someone is out there tapping his foot impatiently. I guess all the stalls are being used. — Time to get back to work.
Your friend down south,
Kevin James Anthony Breazile
Kevin J. Breazile
Programmer Analyst II
Dell Computer Corporation